This is my daughter. We jokingly call her a living sour patch kid because she is both an intimidating force of nature and one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met. I admire her strength and determination, her ingenuity and thoughtfulness. She’s three, I know that seems like a lot of personality to display in such a short amount of time, but trust me, she has plenty of personality and is not afraid to show it.
Her and I have had a rough year. It’s a combination of things really. Sometimes I’m just not fitting into the SAHM roll, sometimes I just need to be doing something that isn’t navigating which episodes of sesame street we’ve watched. Other times she’s on her streaks of being independent and fearless, like the week where she tried to electrocute herself twice, despite baby proofing measures. This last year also brought a kind of grief I hadn’t thankfully previously known. It knocked me down, and made lots of things overwhelming that wouldn’t have been otherwise. Healing has been slow. We are coming up on a couple of anniversaries and some of the grief is sneaking back in and I’m doing my best to balance moving on and forgiving my emotional moments.
My hope is that she learns that it’s OK to not be OK sometimes. I’d like to raise my strong and independent girl to also know and show how she feels. I want them both to know how to communicate and express their feelings, and forgive themselves when their feelings get the better of them. It’s really hard to do that when you’re feeling overwhelmed and not always the best at practicing what you’re trying to teach. So it’s been rough, beautiful, heartbreaking, eye-opening, and healing.
I’m bringing this up for two reasons. My feelings aren’t unique or different. If you are reading this and are nodding your head because you know exactly what I’m describing, I want you to feel the camaraderie of people you’ll come across that are fighting the same battles for different reasons. I’m here in solidarity rooting for you to have better days too. Secondly, I’m bringing this up because a semi-magical thing happened today.
I was having a minute where I just started crying for no reason really. I sat down at my sewing table and just sat for a minute trying to calm down. My son came up to me, gave me a hug and climbed into my lap. My daughter followed behind him, standing near but not exactly snuggling. After a minute of enjoying hugs and snuggles from my littles, my son asked me what I was going to sew.
I asked him what he thinks I should sew and he pointed to the quilt I’ve been working on and said “This one, and I can help if you want.” When I said yes, both he and my daughter got excited because they never get to go anywhere near my work. They helped me pick out colors and patterns for strip piecing and when we were done, my son asked “Do you feel better, Mom? I feel better.”
Yes sweet boy, yes sweet girl, I feel much better. Mom is human, and doesn’t always have it figured out. A little sewing, and a little love goes a long way.
This is my